Shades of Grey

I know, I know, I know, when you leave work early because you're really not over the flu, you're supposed to come inside and rest. I know that, but the fog, there is so much fog, and it's 57 degrees outside and I just had to go to the park. I simply couldn't live with myself if I hadn't (she said dramatically). Besides, I missed a phenomenal winter camping trip over the weekend on account of this wretched flu, so I think it's okay that I was out walking in the park, 'cause I was all bundled up and carrying an umbrella (in truth it was to keep the camera dry, but don't tell anyone).

 

Now I'm sitting on my porch under a feather comforter posting some pretty great pictures for you and watching rivulets of water run down the window panes.

Just so you know, that's not rain, that's how foggy it is outside. Everything is soaking wet and dripping because of the fog and you know what? For once I'm not coughing. All that mist must have helped with the respiration issues too. The moisture certainly put the curls back in my hair. Alright, enough talking, it will just make me start coughing again. Here's what you came for...Shades of Grey:

Pretty cool, huh?

It wasn't my fault.

I mean the lack of posting this time. Darned blogger wouldn't let me upload photos unless I loaded them onto Picasa first. Heck, I didn't even know my photos were saved on Picasa, did you?

Anyway, when I left you last (haha) I was headed to the woods for a winter backpacking trip. You know I'm no stranger to hiking in the snow, but it crossed my mind that I could be cold while camping in the woods and I was a little worried I wouldn't be able to carry the gear I would need to prevent that. Cold weather gear can take up a lot of space and my backpack only holds so much, but lucky for me there was enough snow that I was able to pull a sled with me. I'll tell you what, a sleeping bag rated to -25 degrees is absolutely heaven in the woods and having a roaring fire to warm up by makes life in the woods downright pleasant. Take a peak...

The trail to our campsight. We set out early morning on Saturday, hiked about an hour out to the lake and once camp was set up, we ventured out in different directions to explore the surrounding area. 

I went with a group who headed North along the beach. That kept the wind at our back and we were able to enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful scenery along the lakeshore. In spite of the sunshine, it was cold, cold enough that the spray from the waves was freezing wherever it landed on the beach and we huddled deeper into our scarves and neck gaiters. Eventually, we would leave the beach and hike up into the woods to follow the ridgeline back to camp, ever so grateful for the protection of the trees which give us sanctuary from the wind.

I said before that I wanted to build a snowman, track a Red-tailed Fox and make tea from a Douglas Fir. As you can see, I made the snowman, and I did see a Red-tailed fox, but I wasn't able to track it, nor I wasn't able to locate a Douglas Fir to make tea. I'll keep looking for that one. I guess that means I was able to accomplish 1.5 out of three? Hmmm...

It was a glorious day for exploring in the woods and later, we would share dinner and laughter around a blazing fire as we marveled that we knew at least 12 crazy people in Michigan who actually enjoyed winter camping. No one wanted to leave the fire, but a cold drizzle began to fall about 8:30 and it forced us to the safety of our tents. I heard the wind pick up overnight and we woke to ice covered tents and gale force winds blowing in off the lake. We were sheltered somewhat from the wind, but we didn't linger in camp afer breakfast. No, it was time to head inland, time to leave the woods, time to go back to that other world.

Until the next time.

I think I'll build a snowman...

in the forest, in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps I'll make tea using needles from a Douglas Fir. Maybe I'll even get to track a Red-tailed Fox. You know, as some of my 'do something new' projects. Wait, I didn't tell you about that because I went absolutely AWOL. Ah, heck, I just needed a break I guess.

Anyway, I have a winter backpacking trip on the agenda and right now my living room floor is covered in gear. I need to make absolutely sure that I have proper gear for this trip since being out in the woods in snowfall is not the time to discover I left a crucial piece at home. I'm excited! This will be my first time winter backpacking. I know, I know, it's really just a long walk in the woods, but I'll be sleeping in a tent...in the snow! How cool is that?

Yes, I'm bringing my camera so I'll be able to post pictures. Giddy!

On being prepared.

You know those lists we keep of all the things we want to do when we grow up? The list that has even the far-fetched ideas because you just never know when one of them might come to fruition? No? Hmmm, well I'm one of those people who keep such lists....had 'em for years, and one of the items on that list has been to help women learn that they are much stronger and more resourceful than they think they are. It was a vague notion, nothing defined because I wasn't sure what that was going to mean. I knew from my own life experiences that I was stronger than I acted, that I was far more capable than I allowed myself to be, but I suppose that happens when you dig a big enough hole for yourself that you eventually need to figure out how to get out of it. You also need to figure out how the hell you got yourself into the hole in the first place...if you don't want to go there again. Anyway, I found over the years of trying to get out and stay out of that hole that I needed to be in charge of what happened in my life. You may be thinking, "well, duh," but my upbringing didn't encourage that sort of thinking. It encouraged a wringing of hands in despair and was fraught with 'big people' crushing your spirit when you failed. The problem with that upbringing is it left me incredibly fearful and it took me years to figure out 1. why was I so afraid and 2. what to do about it? I found simple answers to both - Knowledge. They say knowledge is power...it sure feels powerful against fear in my life. 

That's a long, drawn-out explanation for why I learned to be self-sufficient in the woods. It's my favorite place to be and I didn't want to be afraid out there, but it also leads to me saying that I'm leading a group of women on a short backpacking trip in a couple weeks, and some of these women may have never backpacked, and some might be a little nervous. We'll be on a trail I've hiked before, but our starting point is from an area that is new to me. If I'm going to lead (and make everyone feel comfortable), and start from where I've never been, I should probably go find the trailhead. (There's that knowledge thing.) My guts despise not being prepared. I get this knotty, twisted feeling and I don't like that feeling, so I avoid it whenever possible. I avoid it by being prepared, by planning and knowing what's coming.

 

Yesterday was gorgeous weather for a little exploratory trek. I happened to have a couple extra companions who will always head to the woods with me, and we had a whole day with no plans. Ha, we packed some snacks, included a lunch to cook over a fire, my daypack with items we may need (prepared)and we set off to find ourselves a trailhead. Honestly, it's not that it was hard to find, I just needed to know where it was, and finding it was an excuse to spend a stunning fall day in the woods. That we did!

See? That's the trailhead we needed to find.

My companions for the day.




They learned how to build a fire right the first time...so you don't need to keep lighting it. They were impressed and then I told them I was the fire goddess...'cause I am, but I think they rolled their eyes at me and both may have said, in unison, "yeah, right..."
There might have been a bit of shock when we stopped at the store for hotdogs on the way out of town. It's not something I normally cook for them, but it's a treat and hotdogs were created to be cooked over campfires. Weren't they?


Temps in the 40s, partly cloudy, a river, a bridge, leaf covered trails, a campfire, a couple waterfalls, sticks, critters, what's not to love? And now I know where the trailhead is. I'm prepared.

Into the mist...

I went willingly, of my own volition, I thought there might be something there for me. I suspected there was. Still, I went with an open mind and tried not to have expectations, just a willingness to hear and feel and learn. I arrived early to help lay the fire. It was solemn work, purposeful work, serious, but not formal. I wanted to learn and I asked questions. I asked if it was okay to ask. I received timeless answers. She explained the why to me...I understood. Other women arrived. Four to light the fire. As it blazed forth we gathered round to fellowship and wait...and prepare. More women. Soon it would be time and we began to ready the lodge, working together to cover it thickly so all light would be obscured once we entered. There would be complete darkness inside though it was only late afternoon and the sun would not set for 3 more hours. Mats were laid, a contemplative quiet began to settle over the women. They began to reach for the quiet...deep breaths, a stillness about them, I watched, then I too began to reach for the quiet. It's time....objects are laid on the alter, all metal, all jewelry, someone's glasses, my hair clip was mentioned. That too? I removed it from my hair and laid it on the alter. She entered and took her place, the pourer. I was next. Stepping up to the doorway, I took a deep breath, exhaled and paused...hesitated, I felt confused, almost afraid. I know this feeling, this hesitation....I shook my head and knelt to enter, extoling all my relations as I passed through the doorway. I was in and I took my place next to her, the pourer, my guide for this first time. I sat cross-legged as others entered one-by-one, sitting cross-legged themselves, forming a circle of women separated by mere inches from my knees to hers, from hers to the next. The fire tender carefully removed heated rocks from the fire we had built and placed them inside the lodge with us, in a pit in the middle of where we now sat, then took her place with us and the door was pulled closed. Complete darkness except for the glowing red of the rocks, but also a sudden intense heat. I felt myself choking on the heat, the smoke, I closed my eyes and involuntarily held my breath. I felt afraid, afraid of the heat and feeling I wouldn't be able to do this. I squirmed and turned my head away, trying to calm myself. I took a shallow breath, then another, then a deep breath and I inhaled the scent of, cedar? I don't recall which herb was placed on the rocks, it may have been sage, but it smelled wonderful, earthy, necessary. I breathed deeply and felt myself settling in. The rocks in front of me glowed and shimmered as heat continued to fill this space, but now it felt right. As water was poured over the rocks the space immediately filled with steam - warm, cleansing steam that filled my lungs and as we began....my fear evaporated into the mist and I joined with these women in a ceremony nearly as old as time.

Oh, my heavenly BS!!!

No, not that BS....Brussel Sprouts! Let me first say that Brussel Sprouts have been my favorite vegetable since I was a kid...it's true. But I've always said the best way to eat them was simply steamed...no butter, no nothing, just steamed and eaten naked (the sprouts, not me). Then, as often happens when you're looking for the one thing on the web, I happened across this website, Cookie and Kate, clicked on the tab for recipes, and while scrolling the list, I saw the recipe for Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Cranberries with Barley. "Really," thought I, "interesting combination...," and having just returned from the farmer's market with said sprouts, they begged me to make them in this way. Begged me! 

"Alas, my pretties, you'll have to sit tight 'til the morn because I have things I must do."



Forgive the quality of picture - it was still dark out.

Oh yes, I made them for breakfast, because I'm single, I'm a woman and I can. Ha! Now, for the 'oh, my heavenly BS', I nearly swooned when I took the first bite. The combination of sprouts, cranberries, oh, everything....all of these flavors combined are incredible. It's like a party in your mouth. It's like little bursts of flavor all over your tongue. It's like you should make some right now so you can share in the joy.

By the way, I toasted walnuts instead of pecans because that's what I had in the house. Delicious!

I'm going back for seconds now.

Spin Off

I made a concerted effort to 'spin off' this year. I was struggling and came to the realization that my heart and eyes weren't seeing the same thing in the same manner, so I spun myself off the wheel and I took a heart-break. It was difficult and felt mean, but my heart kept telling me I was doing the right thing. I needed time to make myself strong, I needed time to understand what I was feeling, I needed to know if it was me...or not. As is often the case, it was both and I was compelled to remove another set of blinders. I feel stronger now, perhaps strong enough to allow myself to be drawn back onto the wheel, but this time I think I'll ride a little further out on the spokes.

I rather like the view from here.